i’ve been feeling lost, so these are just my ramblings… i don’t know if they will make sense and i will probably be jumping all over the place.

Sometimes i feel so much responsibility on my shoulders, it stresses me out. i have 3 children that i run about for, and i have been trying to start my own business in my field. It started out great but then became very slow, the economy is not helping one bit, but this week popped for me. (i hope it continues) The daily chores of the house have fallen behind. i am feeling the squeeze financially and it always stresses me out more than usual. i’ve put on a few pounds over the winter, 15 to be exact. i don’t feel sexy very often. i feel depressed and scared. Maybe that is why i woke up crying that night. It’s not been easy for me to talk about it either, and really i know i can talk to Daddy about anything and everything, but i hold it in.

To be honest, i’ve not behaved very well lately and i am ashamed. For some reason, not sure what brought it on but feelings of insecurity have surfaced. Really, i have no reason to feel that way. Trust… trust… something that has not been easy for me to give in past … and it seems lately i am struggling. It’s not that i don’t want to trust… i do… so very much. Letting go of past pain is so hard and clouds your mind. i need to cleanse my mind i think. i need to feel grateful for the things i do have and not focus so much on the negative thoughts of how things are going. i am allowing the outside influences of the world (stresses of day to day living) cloud all that is really good in my life.

my Daddy loves me more than anyone has ever loved me before, of all the people in my life, next to my mother, He is definitely on my side… and yet i keep thinking one day He is going to think He wants out of this… this mess … because that is how i have been feeling. i’m not bringing in the income i know that i have the potential to bring in but as i said previously my field of work is taking a hit from the economy. i go to school, get a degree and now i feel like i am drowning. Do i need to get a different job and give up this quest of having my own business? i really don’t know what to do… i feel lost and confused.

my submission is not where it should be either, i seem to be struggling there as well. It’s not always easy taking care of 3 children who make demands on you, work in the field that i do (taking care of others) and i feel like i am not taking care of my Daddy as i should be…. that i am failing and that He will look for someone who can take care of Him the way He needs. So i am not trusting in the love that we have… that just hit me just now. i feel ashamed for thinking that… Us… who would have people look at us, as we are so lost in one another… The couple that a man approached at a restaurant and says to us “He handles you well… You can tell He loves you very much.” i want that couple back, but really that couple is right here. That couple has not gone anywhere… its the day to day stresses that cloud over that couple… but then it’s only me that allows there to be a cloud. i can’t seem to see through that cloud somedays…

i am lost.

i hadn’t had one in a long time, but last night, i was beat, crawling into bed while Daddy was watching the news. i drifted off to sleep, i remember Him curling up to my back, cupping my breast, rubbing my bottom. Next thing i remember is Daddy holding me, softly shaking me … saying my name… are you ok? Apparently i had a bad dream, one that was making me twitch, one that was making me gasp, like i was afraid or drowning… Daddy said.

i remember Him talking to me and i was looking around, not sure where i was for a moment, my face was wet, i had been crying in my sleep. Daddy talking to me pulling me to Him, “baby baby… you scared Me.. what were you dreaming?” i remember looking about and everytime He asked something all i could say was “What?” “huh?” He said it seemed like i was struggling, i was scared, my breathing became gasping like, tears silently running down my face. i felt scared, i felt lost. i don’t know what i was dreaming, so i don’t know what brought all this on.

He held me… tears flowed and then i began to cry hard. “i miss my mom” It just came out, and it’s so true, i miss her. Was i dreaming of her? She was on my mind yesterday, it’s approaching her “angel day”, last days of seeing of her. Reminders are out, the flowers, the trees.

Daddy holds me, lets me cry. Shushing me, wiping my tears… telling me He loves me. Then He asks “Are you afraid I’m going to leave you?” i meekly say “Yes, there are times i think about it.” He gently asks “Do you think about Me dying?” my mind races, because yes, yes i do think of this. Daddy is older than me and i have lost some very significant people in my life in death.

i whisper “yes i do.”

He holds me close, “baby, I have no intentions of leaving you, I plan on living a long time with you, everyone dies, I don’t plan on dying. No one wants to, I could die tomorrow but you hang on to all the wonderful memories of Us.”

He kisses me, telling me He loves me. Calling me by my pet name that only He calls me.

“baby I’m gonna go watch some tv, My mind needs to wind down.” He’s been working so hard on a new project.

“Can i lay on the couch with You? i still feel scared and i don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.”

So i curl up to Daddy on the couch, His protective arm around me. i drift off to slumberland, this time peacefully.

i am protected, i am safe… but mostly i am loved more than i ever thought possible.

Afterall… doesn’t every lil girl need her Daddy… i know i do.

i haven’t posted here in awhile. Sorry about that. Life has been busy and yet life has been slow in other areas! Daddy & i are doing great. Of course there are always bumps in the road but we are very much in love. i was just saying to Him this morning as i laid in His arms… “There is nothing like falling into bed with the Man you love, having Him wrap His arms around you, holding you all night… i have never felt so loved, so protected and so safe.”

i told Daddy i need to start posting again. He agrees. This week we are without children, my break this month… whew! Last night was spent on reconnecting without children here. i love role-playing with Daddy, i love being His naughty lil girl who He uses up. i love surrendering to Him, not always easy with children around. Last night He took me, used me up and left me breathless…. tonight… mmmmmmm i’m hoping He’ll do it some more… i might just have to dress up for Him… smiles

Just coming in from my walk, going into the bedroom, suddenly from behind i feel a breath on my neck… chills go through me. A blindfold is then placed over my eyes. His hands go into my shirt, fondling my breasts, nipples erect.

He is breathing in my ear…
“baby shhhhhh… don’t say anything…”

He ties a scarf across my mouth, kissing my neck, i feel weak in the knees…

Whispering in my ear… “You are mine”

His hands run down my arms.. to my hands, pulling them over my head i feel them being tied together. He pushes me down on the bed, pulling my shorts off, my breath is caught in my throat… butterflies in my tummy with anticipation.

He opens my legs. i feel His hands stroking my inner thighs… “There’s Daddy’s pussy… ”

i can’t see Him but i feel His breath. He is close to my cunt, quivering from this. i feel His hands cupping my ass… rising me up. He slowly licks my pussy lips.
moaning through the gag…

“baby… shhhhhhh… no sounds and no cumming until I say you can…”

This will be difficult, not moaning. catching my moans in my throat.

His tongue outlines my cunt… swirling my clit… licking down to my pussy… slowly i feel His tongue enter me… holding back my moans of pleasure…

remembering to be silent as Daddy is taking what is His…

i arch my back

wanting Him deep inside me.

moans caught in my throat.. i must be silent.

i feel His hand on my breast, rolling my nipple between His fingers, turning my head, remembering to be silent…

He is eating my pussy with such hunger

He stops… i don’t feel His touch anywhere… i can’t see Him… wondering where He is and what He is doing…

i feel His cock on my lips, i open my mouth, licking the head of His cock.

i open my mouth for His cock hungrily… wanting Him…

Taking Him into my throat…

He begins to fuck my throat like it’s my pussy… as He is fucking my pussy with His tongue.

i feel His fingers spreading my ass checks open… i feel His fingers

He stops… leaving me to lie there. Where is He i wonder?

i feel His hands turning me over, pulling my ass up in the air. He starts to fuck my pussy from behind, fingering my ass.

Daddy is taking all that is His… reminding me that i am His to do with what He pleases…

He pulls out of my pussy, i feel His cock teasing my ass…

slowly entering it.. pulling out… slowly going back in…

i can’t take this.. i want it all… driving me crazy but i can’t say anything… silence… i must be a good girl, Daddy wants silence.

in my head i am moaning…

wanting to tell Him fuck me… take me… use me… but He is… no need to tell Him…

He slowly gives me all His cock in my ass… fucking it.

i can’t touch Him.. i can’t see Him… but OMG do i feel Him!

Taking what is His, with each stroke into my ass.. i feel Him, His fingers rubbing my clit… i quiver… i hold on … feeling myself build up…

“baby wants to cum… i feel it…”

i can’t answer Him… in my head i am screaming…

YES DADDY I WANT TO CUM PLEASE

“I reckon My baby should cum… NOW”

i let go… cumming hard with Daddy’s cock in my ass… as Daddy’s cum shoots into me…

i am Owned, i am His toy

Daddy’s girl forever

i have gone through a stressful week, and through it all… there was my Daddy. Standing by me, giving me a shoulder to cry on, reminding me that He is on my side and i am not alone. i am such a lucky girl. Even when i push Him away, He pulls me back to Him and reminds me that He is here for me. silly me to think He would ever let me go…

Last night, making love to Him, it just shook my soul. He takes me to a place i have never been, a place where i feel taken over by complete pleasure and lust, and i want nothing more for Him to possess me but i feel completely safe.

Coming out of a week where i have faced some past demons, He was there wiping away my tears, opening up more of that hurt lil girl to Him and all the while letting me know that i am loved. Loved… i am loved like i have never been loved before and it is beautiful.

Yes, He amazes me.

(otherwise known as Daddy’s Birthday)

As a good lil girl, i of course asked Daddy “What would You like for Your Birthday Daddy.”

His response?

“Steak and BJ.”

“BJ? You mean blueberry jam Daddy?” -giggles His lil girl

Laughing “Yes baby that’s exactly what Daddy means…”

We had a nice dinner last night, (Steak) and went to see The Rolling Stones Shine A Light on the big IMAX screen. Awesome.

BJ — grins is all His lil girl has been doing today… In the morning.. in the shower… Afternoon… looks over at clock… time to get back on task

Happy Birthday Daddy

i love You with all my heart (which of course You own)

Your babygirl
essence

for her Daddy to finish His business for the evening. she waits in her plaid lil skirt, hoodie, knee highs, 3 inch mary janes and her white undies & bra. braids in place… she prepares her Daddy’s drink waiting for His phone call to be done…

oh the night that awaits her… she hopes He will put her ankle & wrist restraints, lead her to bed and use her like the lil toy she is… His toy… she waits patiently not to disturb Him… she’s wet just thinking of the night ahead… she wants Him and aches for Him to take her and use her for His pleasure…

she waits…

patiently….

“baby you teased Me last night, asking if you could spend the night with your Daddy… then fell asleep on the couch before 10pm”

sighs that i did… i love when He will say to me… “lil girl can you spend the night?” i know i am in for some wild hot fucking… so that is what He said to me this morning after coffee, sitting in our office… that i teased Him and fell asleep.

He got up from His chair, went over closed and locked the office door, undid His pants and commanded me to my knees. To which i obeyed… dropping to my knees and taking His already hard cock into my mouth. Using my tongue as He likes (which reminds me i need to do an update on my past assignment of cocksucking) He ordered me to get on His cock and i eagerly did so. my feet on either side of Him… fucking His cock for awhile. He ordered me to suck His cock and tasting my own pussy juices…

He then bent me over my head in my chair, ass in the air and fucked me from behind until He came… i can also tell when He is about to cum… His cock gets so hard which makes me cum even harder…

That’s just a preview of what is to come tonight… i can’t wait.